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So I got a little too excited and scared of food today. Not a very functional combination. Haha.

Got my fortnightly money today so I went food shopping. I got lots of things…

  • Food required for pretty much the only meal I’d cook last time I lived in Brisbane. 1 egg (65), oil (20), 3-4 cups of chinese cabbage/wombok (30-40), soy sauce (10). I fucking love chinese cabbage.
  • So Good 99.9% Fat Free Soy Milk. First time I’ve tried soy milk. And like wow it’s so much better than skim dairy, and 5 less calories per glass (83). I think I’ll definitely be sticking to soy from now on :)
  • Apple, frozen blueberries, cinnamon sugar. So for some reason last night I really wanted to know if apples could be microwaved. I found this site: http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/2010/01/microwave-baked-apples-two-ways.html, and had to try it. I bought two apples, I did the first one like the site but with cinnamon sugar instead of cinnamon and no nectar. And it was awesome but I hated the apples skin. So I peeled the other apple, cut it into 12ths, arranged the slices all pretty then added the cinnamon sugar and blueberries. Soooo good. Though I did overcook it a bit and possibly accidentally dyed the inside of the microwave purple >.< Ooops. Now I have no more apples… perhaps given cooking the second one was the begining of the end of my control that’s a good thing… IDK.
  • I also got chicken breasts, taco seasoning and taco sauce… not sure how that’ll turn out but it (+ 2cup lettuce and 1/8 avocado) will give me a hopefully yummy and safe 196 dinner
  • Other foods include 1 pear, tomato, cucumber, vegemite, corn thins, no-doz (caf pills), splenda, and extra light philadelphia cream cheese
So yes. I’ve eaten way too much today. I just went out and got *oh my freaking god I can’t even believe it* a “Mia” from Pizza Hut. Like WHAT?! They’re 9 inch pizzas. Way too small in my opinion but that kind of makes the name more funny to me. Purged. House is empty but I prefer my room to the toilet already. I don’t think I’m going to be able to stop for long. I really need to think about something other than food but I just cant.
I binged again after last nights entry so I only lost 100g this morning. Better than a gain I suppose but Gah. 48.2. Not for long :(. Wonder what specials the 7 Eleven has on…. Should have bought more of the coles icecreams. 10 for like 3 dollars. That’s affordable binging haha. At $8.30 in b/p food today – excluding all the grocerries I’ve eaten. Want MOOOOOOORE. Going to get FAAAAAAAAAAAAAT.
Housemate N was the last one here this evening before my alone time. He’s gone to a party. He was all dressed up and I said something like “you look nice” Cue awkward conversation of “thanks, you look nice too” “oh gotta love the hoodies haha” “no, nothing to do with clothes, you’re just a nice looking person”, “oh haha thanks?”
I get so confused. I mean… what am I meant to say? It’s not like I never get compliments, nor do I get them all the time. But my face is… deformed. Do I see myself as fat? No. Do I see myself as something out of a gore movie? Yes. And not in the ohhh my eyeliner makes me so dark *smug* way. In a i’d be a good candidate for Frankenstein’s Monster way. But if that were true then I’d never get compliments so the ones I do get just make me so fucking confused.
God my heads going 100 miles a minute. Trying to put of binging because the sooner it happens the more time there is for it to happen again. But fuck this.